Post: 告别吾爱 Before I am Gone



Director: Terrence Hu
Screenwriter: Terrence Hu
Cast: Terrence Hu, Sun Weile, Liu Zheng
Producer: Sun Weile, Hu Minghang
Cinematographer: Gu Yupeng
Genre: Short film
Length: 12min
Year: 2023
Dialogue: Mandarin Chinese
Region: China
Production Company: Communication University of China

故事梗概 Synopsis


I showed my mom’s dinner banquet video to my boyfriend, on the hotel bed. We said nothing and kissed in the end, with our entwining shadows echoing my mother’s video images. My boyfriend left home without saying goodbye. I couldn’t find him, although I had tried like a psycho. Neither did I find my mother after I returned home. She drunkenly hid herself in a storage room and sat on a chair with her head embedded in a hair dryer, like an astronaut’s helmet. I collapsed onto the doorstep when my mobile phone rang. It was my boyfriend who told me that he had left a recording on my phone filled with his love for me. I clicked that beside my sleeping mom. The blue light in the storage room resembled a space in the universe, where love wandered in it, not only between me and him but also between me and her. The next day, my mother and I drove to the beach. My mother might have already known my sexual orientation for a long time but never talked about it. Instead, she told me about the boy who fell in love with her in college. Suddenly, she disappeared while the sun was creeping down. I started to look for her toward the orange light and unexpectedly I found my hand held by mom. Sea waves surging beside us, she stroked my cheek. It was a special moment when I never gazed into her eyes so closely.

导演介绍 Director’s Biography


Terrence Hu, born on August 9, 2002, in Shenzhen City, Guangdong Province, is currently studying directing (Class of 2021) at the Communication University of China (CUC). The first private image short film Pieces of Mine was shot on February 8, 2022, starring his father, mother, sister, and himself. It tells the story of my family being cast a “shadow” by my sexual orientation, everyone kept silent and seemed happy, but there was an undercurrent. Dance on My Grave was filmed on August 2, 2022, and was shortlisted for the 15th Love Queer Cinema Week. The shooting of Before I am Gone was completed on June 8, 2023.

导演阐述 Director’s Statement





This script originally wanted to explore my affection and my mom’s love for me. I always felt that the two were the same. I went to my mother and told her that this film wanted to be a story about a mother and her son, and I felt that no actress could achieve the feeling I wanted except her. Then my mom came to Beijing twice to help me complete this shoot. Interestingly, my mother told a friend that everything needed to be rented for filming, but not including the mother.

In fact, after the film was completed, it was a big blow to me, because it only reached 30% of the expectations and exceeded the budget a lot, but my parents will still support me as before. So this film became personal again, giving me a precious opportunity to see my current mother.

I cried many times at the filming location, partly because I didn’t know what to do because the images didn’t turn out how I wanted them to be, and partly because I really couldn’t accept my mother’s senility. I like close-ups very much. I filmed my mother was awakened by me after taking a nap early in the morning. Her full face was shown on the monitor, sleepy-eyed and exhausted.

At the beach, my mother stroked my palm and asked when calluses appeared on it. I said I had to carry the machine. She smiled and said I have grown up. It was very sunny at the seaside and our faces were very close. The look in her eyes that no actress could imitate was a heavy hammer on my soul. I yelled “Cut!” early and wanted to beat myself up during film editing, but I didn’t want to cry in front of the camera. The wind blew sand under my feet, my mother behind me looked at the picture and asked if a beauty filter could be used. And I tried hard to carve the memories of these few days into my mind.